How to Go Down on a Woman

The act of cunnilingus, or going down on a woman, is extremely intimate. Some women say it’s even more intimate than actual lovemaking. After all, she’s giving you access to the most private parts of her body. And since some women can’t orgasm with penetrative sex alone, cunnilingus becomes even more important in terms of sexual satisfaction.

That’s because the vulva contains the epicenter of female pleasure, the clitoris. The clit has over 8,000 nerve endings that when properly stimulated can trigger incredible orgasms.

But since every woman responds differently oral isn’t a one-lick-fits-all situation. So how do you know if you’re going about it the right way?

11 Tips For Eating Her Out

Whether it’s during foreplay to get her wet and ready, or in place of intercourse, cunnilingus should be an enjoyable experience for both of you. She wants to feel pleasure, and you want to be the one to give it to her. That’s why we’ve put together these tips to treat her to incredible oral sex every time.

#1 Find Out What She Likes

She knows what drives her wild better than anyone, so communication is key. You don’t want to waste time fumbling around when you can just ask her what she wants instead. Plus, many women enjoy a little dirty talk beforehand – especially if you start off by telling her you want to go downtown!

#2 Set The Mood

Turn the lights down low and put her favorite music on. Make sure she’s relaxed and comfortable. Start off with a back massage or heavy petting to help get her aroused. Eating her out is much easier when she’s already in the mood.

#3 Tease Her

When you’re ready to start performing cunnilingus, don’t just dive in tongue first. It’s better to tease her and make her squirm in anticipation.

Dr. Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, CST and resident Adam & Eve sexpert, advises to “slowly kiss the whole body, moving in towards the vulva. You can kiss and nibble the outer labia, the inner labia, and tease the clit. Pay close attention to her body language and other signals. You can gauge arousal based on moans and rotating hips. At this point, you can introduce your tongue and let the magic begin.”

You also may want to get as close as possible without actually touching her and blow directly on the clitoris. If you’ve been doing a good job teasing her, she’ll probably grab you by the hair and order you to start licking or else.

#4 Put Your Tongue to Work

When it comes to oral sex, the key is to experiment and look for her cues as to what is working and what isn’t. There are, however, proven techniques that can make her go wild and have her moaning with joy. Here are some of Dr. Jenni’s favorites:

Technique one is the alphabet method where your tongue traces out letters over the clit and the entrance to the vagina. (Don't forget that the introitus, or entrance to the vagina, can be very sensitive. So too is the labia. If the clit gets a little overwhelmed, you can take a break and come here).

Another technique is the “Snake Lick.” Imagine your tongue is like a little snake, licking gently but with enthusiasm and curiosity. As her arousal builds, so should the intensity. But make sure your lover is ready for that intensity.

A third technique involves sucking on the clit. Give your own lips a good lick to make sure they’re nice and wet. Then shape them into a small “O” just slightly larger than their clit. Press your lips around their clit and start gently sucking on it. You can suck on it steadily or create a gentle rhythm where you suck and release pressure. You could even alternate between sucking and blowing on their clit.

Also throw humming into the mix. Try humming your favorite song while your mouth is pressed against her clitoris. The vibrations in your mouth are sure to drive her wild.

#5 Add Some Variety

If licking is all you do, your tongue is going to wear out pretty fast so it’s important to alternate your technique.

Don’t forget your fingers either. Just because you’re going down on her doesn’t mean you can’t tease her nipples at the same time. You could give your tongue a break and finger her some as well. Most women love having someone suck on their clit while getting fingered at the same time.

#6 Respond to Her Reactions

The difference between good oral sex and great oral sex is how you respond to her body. Pay close attention to any feedback you might get. It might be something obvious like talking dirty, moaning, or thrashing around, or something difficult to notice like her toes curling. Once she starts reacting to something you’re doing, keep doing it! If it feels that good and is turning her on you are on your way to giving her that all important orgasm.

#7 Change Sexual Positions

Missionary is always a safe bet when performing cunnilingus. But there are some other positions you can try to spice oral up. She can get on all fours and you can lick her from behind. You can get on your knees and lick her from below. Lay on your back and she can climb on like she is going to ride you cowgirl, but she’ll ride your tongue instead. Or you can pin her shoulders to the floor and lap at her in the piledriver position.

And don’t just stop at different positions, try different places besides the bedroom as well. Kitchen or bathroom counters, the shower, laying her across the back of the couch, standing her against the wall, or even the staircase can add a fun new twist. Plus, spontaneity and a change of venue can be a real turn on in.

#8 Use a Vibrator or Dildo

Not only can vibes and dildos give your tongue a rest, but many women enjoy the added stimulation that sex toys provide. Clitoral vibrators for instance, stimulate her hot spot and some “suck” the clit to mimic the feeling of oral sex. There are even vibes shaped like tongues, and actual tongue vibrators which you place over your own tongue.

Try alternating between a toy and your tongue, or better yet use a smaller vibe or dildo along WITH your tongue. The added sensations are sure to send her over the edge.

#9 Try Flavored Lube

Sweeten oral pleasure and turn your lover into a tasty treat with a flavored lubricant. From strawberry to peach, and chocolate to caramel, these lubes make oral more enjoyable for both partners. They can also be used for penetration. Some even offer added benefits like warming or tingling features to provide added sensitivity and stimulation.

#10 Take Your Time

If you are focusing on the clitoris, Dr. Jenni suggests that “whatever technique you employ, the main thing is to never, ever forget the Three S’s: Slow, Subtle, Soft. The clit is sensitive. If you overwhelm it with speed or pressure, you will have to do a lot of backtracking. It's better to start off gently and build momentum.”

Plus, building momentum heightens her excitement. You may be in a rush to get to the main event, but she’ll appreciate the extra oral attention.

#11 Share Your Enthusiasm

If you are new to giving oral it may take some practice to become proficient. (And your partner should be happy to reap the benefits of that practice.) However, enthusiasm goes a long way as well. If you are into what you are doing, she will be to.