Guide to Bedroom Bondage

Guide to Bedroom Bondage

Anyone who’s seen Fifty Shades of Grey, watched The Secretary or read the Catwoman or Elektra comics has thought about BDSM. It may have occurred to them that they’d like to try it themselves or introduce it to their partner. For most people, going to a public place to try new things out sounds terrifying! An alternative is to keep it in the safe and intimate space that’s already been shared with a partner. That place, of course, is the bedroom.

In this guide we will briefly go over bedroom bondage, review what is possible to do in small spaces, go overy some basic safety and then tell you what the best items to start out with are!

Why You Need Bedroom Bondage

The simplest reason you need bedroom bondage gear... is because you want it! Most people notice they get excited seeing someone in bondage or fetish gear, have seen a scene or show that shows them what it’s like to explore Dominance and submission, or have been awed by shibari (rope bondage). You don’t have to justify curiosity; you just get to enjoy the adventure! However, to inspire you further, here are a few common reasons people enjoy bedroom bondage:

• Lack of Space One or both partners really wants to be tied up, restrained or explore their kinky edges… but they don’t have a large enough space to buy bondage furniture.

• Beginner Many people are interested in some kind of bondage, but it takes a lot to dive in and make big purchases on something that they’re only just discovering. Buying bedroom bondage items is an easy way to ‘test the waters’.

• Traveling Give yourself the opportunity to explore and play with bondage wherever you go. Maybe this is an essential part of the relationship that you want to be able to explore at all times, wherever you go. Perhaps this is how you and your partner reconnect and you need something handy when you’re not at home. It’s also possible that you’d like to take your gear over to someone else’s house instead of making them come to your place. In any case, having portable bondage gear is great for those wanting to stay flexible about where they play.

• Privacy Small bondage items are easy to hide and stash away. For those who have kids or very little private space where they live, being able to keep their personal lives discreet and private is incredibly important.

• Light Bondage Only While every implement has the potential to be used in an intense or extreme way, using bedroom bondage restraints can feel a little lighter and less intimidating than using full body sleepsacks, cages and pillories, or inviting someone over to be shackled to your St. Andrew’s Cross. Smaller items can be perceived as safer and may be easier for beginners to explore with, although they should be treated with the same respect and caution that all other BDSM gear is treated with.

• It’s Calming, Arousing, Connective Being bound by ropes, cuffs, nylon or leather restraints can be extremely relaxing for some. The feeling of having pressure against their body feels like being wrapped up in a hug. It can help them relax if they know they can get very physical during orgasms and jerk their feet or can’t control their body during intense pleasure or pain. Strong restraints give many people peace of mind. Additionally, it changes the way that many submissives or bottoms experience a scene; as soon as they have the restraints on, they feel like they can let go of trying to be in control and allow themselves to be in the moment.

• Power Play Perhaps during the daytime you’re a powerful CEO. Maybe you’re a secretary who is tasked to take care of everyone. Maybe your job is mundane and you dream of excitement! No matter what the rest of society sees, in a BDSM scene you are free to forget your daytime job, relax and let go of inhibitions.

• Spice Up Your Sex Life Bringing edgy or kinky toys and gear into the bedroom can transform a relationship that may seem like it has lost its creative edge. One of the greatest things that BDSM culture can offer is that the participants get to constantly explore new things together. It encourages couples to stay curious and play with hundreds of potential roles and power dynamics. All that is required is that people stay open minded and willing to try new things! Some of the roleplaying gives people such intense, passionate reactions that their partners want to continue just to feel that passion and intimacy with their partner.

• Sensation Play Some bondage gear focuses on sensation. The smell, feeling or sight of leather, rope, chains or latex for example can drive people wild or put them instantly into a submissive state. The part of the brain associated with the sense of smell is located close to the memory center, so many smells can bring strong, associative memories to the individual experiencing them. That means that the more positive and erotic experiences a submissive has, the more powerful each experience can potentially be thereafter.

Types of Bedroom Bondage

• Wrist & Ankle Restraints These are meant to restrict arm or leg movement by cuffing or binding the wrists or ankles to items in the room or to other parts of the body such as thighs, ankles or wrists.

• Collars A sign of submission, part of puppy play or a fashion statement. These collars come in all different sizes, colors and widths.

• Spreader Bars These are bars that attach to the ankles, usually hooked onto ankle cuffs or ankle restraints. Wrist cuffs can also attach to the bar so all four of their limbs are restrained. The stiff bar keeps them from being able to close their legs so their ass and genitals are helplessly exposed!

• Blindfolds Start introducing them into sensory deprivation by taking away their sight. They won’t be able to see each spanking, whipping or caress before it happens, thus keeping the element of surprise in every moment. Keep them in a constant state of heightened excitement and anticipation!

• Suspension Equipment These include anything that suspends or lifts someone off the floor. It includes rope and rigging equipment, suspension bars and sex swings.

• Arm Binders Bind their arms in front of them or behind their back and limit what they can touch or reach.

Buyer’s Guide to Bedroom Bondage

There are hundreds of amazing options for bondage that can fit in a bedroom, closet or even a travel bag. However, if you’re ready to start playing and not quite ready to scour the internet looking for the best stuff, take a look at our Top 5 Bedroom Bondage Items! For more about bondage in general, check out our Guide to Bondage Gear!

Top 5 Bedroom Bondage Items

Bedroom Restraint Kit Perfect for beginners. Tie up your lover to any bed. No bedposts needed.

Take Me Thigh Cuff System Keep their wrists locked to their thighs with this thigh cuff system. Their pussy and ass will be just out of reach for them, but wide open for you!

Keep 'Em Bound Neck to Wrist Restraints Keep their arms just where you want them! Lock their wrist cuffs low on their back or high between their shoulder blades so they’re just uncomfortable enough to behave and pay attention.

Open Wide Padded Thigh Sling Position Aid This simple and durable position aid keeps their legs bent and pulled open wide while on their back. Flip them over for the perfect doggy-style position!

Frisky 8-Piece Restraint Set Cuff their ankles and wrists and tie them up to the bed, chair, or anywhere you can attach the leashes to!

Safety

Safety:

Ask about injuries or health issues.
Before playing with or binding/restraining anyone, have a conversation about previous injuries or chronic pain. Limiting movement with bondage may be very uncomfortable or dangerous to their health.

If you aren’t sure if it’s safe, don’t do it.
A few too many people operate under the pressure of “FOMO” (fear of missing out); they believe this is their only chance to get to play with a submissive and pressure them into trying the new, risky thing they’re interested in. The truth is, people who rush things may miss out on having submissives return when they don’t treat the submissive with love, patience and respect. Slow down, don’t pressure anyone and definitely don’t do anything that may be unsafe.

Safe, sane, consensual.
These are the basic guidelines for everything done in BDSM. Is it safe? This means that the person doing risky things is doing it in a safe way so that no one gets injured. Is it sane? This means that all parties involved are aware of what is going on and able to understand what will happen next. In most cases, this means they are sober during negotiations and have had all important conversations concerning physical and mental health. Is it consensual? This means that all parties involved, even the spectators, have consented to being present and participating. It also means that the people involved must be old enough and sober enough to consent!

Make it easy to get out of restraints, especially with new partners.
Scenes don’t go the same way every time (which is part of what makes them fun). So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that some of them can trigger stress, emotion, memories or feelings of claustrophobia and panic. Make sure it is easy for you to release the submissive or bottom if they are getting triggered by something that comes up during a scene.

Safewords are still sexy (and important)!
Even for basic BDSM, having a safeword or a safe “signal” (that may be nonverbal for those who are gagged or for partners who are deaf) is part of building trust within a relationship and a scene. For more advanced and edgy or risky scenes, having a way to tell someone that the scene needs to pause, slow down, that a check-in is required, or that it needs to STOP right at that moment is necessary in keeping all participants safe.

Keep things sanitary.
Remember that even when there are no bodily fluids obviously present such as blood, saliva, sperm or vaginal fluids, toys and tools still need to be cleaned before and after playing with them.

Discuss claustrophobia or anxiety before binding or restraining someone.
While this may seem obvious to some, there are people who are curious to try this who don’t or won’t have this conversation unprompted. Make sure to talk about what psychological or mental health triggers could potentially come up before doing a scene together. BDSM does not replace the need for a therapist to help someone overcome or deal with trauma and fears, so don’t take that on.

DO NOT leave your submissive alone while restrained!
It can be very dangerous to leave the submissive alone while restrained or captive. If they don’t have a way to tell you they are feeling nauseous, lightheaded, dehydrated, faint or panicking and anxious, it can be detrimental to their health. Be responsible for your submissive at all times while they are locked up.

When using restraints, especially with any limbs above the head or heart, make sure to check in and don’t make the restraints too tight!
If the restraints are too tight, it could cut off circulation. If the limbs are held above the head too long, it will cause the heart rate of the submissive to speed up, which is not healthy for some people and can cause issues.

Don’t lose the key!
With restraints of any kind, but especially ones that are more or less immobile (such as pillories, stockades or cages) make sure not to lose the key to any locks!

Expert Tips & Advice

Start slow and build confidence and trust over time.
It is a far better investment to slow things down and discover what each person likes and is comfortable with. It will bring confidence into the relationship and creates less possibility that someone will feel uncomfortable or pressured.

Learn from others.
Join a discussion group online, talk to people in workshops or munches/meetups, or read books and articles about the type of kink you’re interested in. The more information you have, the more powerful and fun these scenes can be!

Have fun!
When trying new things, it is easy to get in your head about if you’re doing it right. This can make everyone a little tense and cause a scene to feel fake or contrived. If there’s a mistake, admit it and feel free to be humble about it or laugh. As long as people are safe, lighten up and have fun! After all, kinky play is play first, kinky second.

FAQ

How do I clean these items?
Make sure to look at the materials each item is made of and consult the Materials and Cleaning section above.

Is this safe for new people to try?
There’s a risk factor to just about everything, but being informed and taking it slow makes a world of difference! A few pre-play tips do help, though:

• Make sure that your partner has good circulation and nothing is constricting their blood flow.

• Make sure they are feeling good and hydrated before play.

• Keep safety shears on hand or be able to get them out of restraints quickly if necessary.

• Have a safe word or safe signal (for nonverbal situations or partners) to communicate when the scene needs to stop, pause, or if a check-in is needed.

Why do people enjoy getting tied up, bound or encased?

While it isn’t for everybody, the feeling of being bound across the chest in particular limits the ability of the submissive to breathe as they normally would; while bound, they feel the pressure of the ropes or restraints against their chest with every breath and become acutely aware of their breathing. This can be extremely relaxing. In addition to the breathwork aspect, the submissive is not unable to actively do anything with their hands (and sometimes they can’t move their legs or feet, either), so they are placed in a position physically where they have to rest, give up their control and let someone else take over. For busy-minded people or busy-bodied people who are constantly thinking and doing, this is a nice break for them and allows them to deeply relax and submit.

Does wanting to be tied up make me mentally sick?

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) used in psychology had previously labeled those who participate in BDSM as mentally unwell or unfit. However, recent versions do not promote that outdated thinking. As long as everyone is safe, sane and consensual while playing, it is perfectly fine to be tied up!

Are there other people who like playing like animals?

Yes, there is an entire community out there. There are human animals which are people who enjoy dressing up with muzzles, hoods, ears and paws and playing around as the animal they dressed up as would. They usually enjoy playing with other human animals. At some kink festivals, there are playpens for human puppies to play. At some kink events, there are pony shows where people can show off their horse-training and horse-riding skills, but the horse is a human dressed up with a bit, ears, harness and tail.

Is puppy play sexual?

Most people would say no, but there are also people who sexualize it, as well. It’s a personal choice. There is also another group of people who enjoy being animalistic, usually like a wolf or other predator animal, during sex and they sometimes call themselves primal.